Lament

What is Lament . . .

from Chapter 7 of “Worship’s Journey” by Kevin Norris

I have been asked on a number of occasions: “Aren’t we being a hypocrite if we worship God when we don’t feel like it?” That’s a good question. It is a cry for reality, wanting our hearts and our mouths to be saying the same thing. What is the answer? How do you praise and worship God when you are going through a tough time?

One answer is that worship is a choice. So if we open our mouths and begin praising, we will often start to feel like worshiping. The point is that worship is not dependent on feelings, that we should worship God just because He is worthy of our praise. 

This is generally true, and it definitely applies if we are just being lazy or if we are grumpy because we haven’t had coffee yet. But it is different when we are struggling with deeply painful personal issues. I am referring to times when our hearts are discouraged, downcast or wounded by circumstances – a broken relationship, a betrayal of trust, a tragic accident, a hurtful argument with a loved one, a death in the family, or a disappointment over some failure, injustice or missed opportunity. These are not easily brushed off with a quick “Hallelujah, God is on the throne!” In these situations, we need to remind ourselves that it is a good thing to give thanks to God.

If we ignore our emotions we cheat ourselves of a major blessing. Yes, our emotions are part of the way God has made us and he has done a good job. But we’ve made the mistake of letting our emotions rule us at times, and so we’ve made some bad choices. This leads us to conclude that our emotions are unhelpful and a nuisance. Some might even say they’re our enemy. However, if we see God’s purpose in creating us with the capacity to feel, we can begin to deal with these emotions in a God-given way. 

When I heard the phrase “emotions are the voice of our heart,” I wondered if that might be a key to understanding God’s purpose with our feelings. It sounded like the way physical pain works. Most of us avoid physical pain, but without it, how would we know if there was something going wrong in our body? Pain is the voice of our body. If we listen to it, we might discover what is wrong and respond. Emotions can tell us what is happening in our hearts. In Psalm 42, the writer cries out “Why are you downcast, oh my soul?” He feels emotional pain and seeks an answer to the cause. 

If we come to a worship time and we are not feeling like joining in, rather than ignoring the feelings, why not ask God what is going on in your heart. He will help us see whether the source is tiredness or boredom, or something much deeper. 

The Bible presents some helpful examples of dealing with emotions. They give us a clue how to get past these difficulties and into praise. In the Psalms we see David crying out to God, expressing how he felt, even if it was not with happy, victorious words. Jeremiah also complained to God about his situation. In fact, his book, Lamentations, is a cry to the Lord, a complaint, a lament.

But David and Jeremiah knew something about how to complain to God. They spoke directly to God, vocalized what they felt, but then declared what God is like. We can almost feel them receiving encouragement as we read their writings. In Lamentations 3, Jeremiah cried out to God. He even spoke of his pain as coming from God. He used intense language like “he has broken my teeth with gravel!” In fact he continues for 20 verses complaining to God, but then there’s a turning, and this is the key. What he does in verses 21 onwards, is a lesson for all of us when we face difficult circumstances that dull our enthusiasm to rejoice:

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”  – Lamentations 3:21-24

We sometimes complain to other people, hoping to extract sympathy and comfort from them. This often results in drawing them into our misery. But this is not what Jeremiah does! He complains to God first, not to his friends. Then, after he has poured out his soul, telling God exactly how he feels, he remembers what God is like, and this gives him hope for the future.

He proclaims his confidence in God’s goodness, which will carry him through his trials, even in the depths of dark circumstances. He did not look to others to receive sympathy; he broke out of his misery by remembering God’s mercy and faithfulness, declaring his trust in him for what is to come. That’s why thanks and praise are so powerful. 

In Proverbs we read that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). We have the capacity to cultivate death or life in our situation by our words. What amazing power! In James 3 we are told how powerful our tongue is. If we could harness this power for good, our lives could be so much better. When life’s treating us well, it is not hard to be positive, but when disappointments hit us, it is a lot more difficult to be upbeat. Our feelings war against it. We are tempted to lose our focus on God’s ability when we become centered on our struggles.

The answer is not to disregard our feelings and “praise God anyway.” If we push our feelings down and struggle to do what we believe is the “right thing,” we end up suppressing the very passion that is supposed to fuel worship from our heart. If we deal with our feelings like Jeremiah and David did, we can rekindle the fire within and go even deeper in our praise and worship. But we have to do it God’s way. God is looking for honest, genuine hearts. He is looking for worshipers who are the same on the inside as they proclaim to be on the outside.

As we remember what God has done in the past, and speak it out loud, faith and hope arise in us. When David was facing Goliath, I can not imagine what he was feeling inside. King Saul tries to dissuade David saying in effect: “You won’t succeed… you are too young, Goliath is too experienced.” (1 Samuel 17:33 paraphrased)

How did David respond? He remembered what God had done for him in the past. He told Saul how God had enabled him to defeat the lion and the bear when they threatened his sheep. Then David went further. He spoke his confidence in the future (that is, he confessed his hope). Hebrews 10:23 says, 

“Hold fast to the confession of your hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”

Because of what God has done, and because of who God is, we can look to the future with assurance that God will always be who he says he is. When we confess this confidence with our mouth, life is released, hope returns, and the future looks brighter.

If we face up to the way we are feeling, the challenges we face, we can regain the fire by remembering who God is, and speaking it out. 

In Psalm 3, David is not in a happy place! He has been betrayed by his own son, Absalom, and is fleeing for his life. So what does he want to sing about? The “man after God’s own heart” knows God and what he is like. Does he “praise God anyway”? No, he pours out his heart to God; he does not hide the fact that he is in trouble. But then, like Jeremiah, he does not stay focused on his predicament. He turns to consider God’s character. Verse 3 starts with “but”... 

“But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.”

He is saying that although enemies are against him, God is the one who delivers, protects, encourages, and answers his cry!  He goes on to say that he won’t be afraid because it is God who will strike his enemies. He speaks out what God is like. That’s what praise is!

This psalm is a song that David wrote and no doubt sang at that time. What an example of how to deal with our feelings! His lyrics were totally relevant to his situation; he was not happy and he said so! We need to make sure our songs today speak with similar honesty and openness?

In his darkest moments, David even resorted to saying things that were not even true, in a literal sense. In Psalm 142, David is pictured hiding from Saul’s army in a cave. He could not have been happy, I know I wouldn’t be if 3,000 soldiers were chasing me and trying to kill me! His painful song includes these words in verse 4: “There is none who takes notice of me . . . no one cares for my soul.”  Was this true? I am sure he had friends who cared for him; why else would they have followed him so loyally? So while this statement is probably not literally true, it is a true statement about his feelings. I think it is okay to express exactly how we feel, even if our words are not literally true, as long as we follow David’s example of how to follow up these expressions. He cried out to God for deliverance and affirmed God’s care for him. Right after complaining that no one cared, he said, “You are my refuge.”

Let’s go past “praise God anyway,” and begin to express our feelings to God, being careful to follow with thanks, praise, and “confessions of our hope.”

When we are feeling lonely, we can declare: “Lord, I’m lonely, but you are here, and you are my comfort.” When people have let us down, we can cry out: “Lord, my friends have stabbed me in the back, but you are faithful and will always be kind and loving.” No matter what we are going through, God is able to rescue us. When we know his character, we are able to describe to him what is happening to us and then counter with the “but, you are…”

In Proverbs 4:23 (NASB) we are warned to “Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.” 

Thanks and praise that blesses God

Our worship can lose its effectiveness either by being too me-centered or by denying our feelings. If we have managed to express our heart to God and have received his encouragement, it helps if we consider how our thanks and praise affects God. Worship works so much better when we think about both our feelings and God’s feelings. When I pondered the words in Song of Songs 4:9 I began to imagine how God might feel when we praise him. 

“you have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride, you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes . . .”

The Hebrew word for captivated literally means “to make the heart beat faster.” Could my praise have an effect on God’s heart? When I teach on worship, I get members of the class to thank or praise one another to illustrate both their understanding of the topic and the effect our words have on the way we feel. It is delightful to see the smiles on both the giver and the receiver of affirmation. The motives of the ones offering praise are usually unselfish love. They truly are looking to bless the person, not themselves. If our motive is to bless God and not to please ourselves, it pleases God, and because he loves us so much, he wants to bless us in return. It can change the way we feel in worship as we imagine God smiling at us. 

So we must check our hearts before entering in, but then offer to God thanks and praise as we realize how much it is blessing him. So it is not all about us or all about God. It is both. It is a two-way flow of love and respect in a relationship.